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Ok, for those of you who want to play at home, writing assignment #2 is to write a small three paragraph article about something that recently happened, either to yourself or someone else. The catch is you have to do it all with one syllable words…. It’s alot trickier than you may think. Here is my butchered recounting of the man with the 8 foot dick…

I was in the park one day when I came to a man with a huge cock. This man had just had sex with some man that was not there. He had the look of a man who had been with tears up till now. At first I did not know that the man had a huge cock. It was not till I had gone by the man that I had seen the huge cock spread out on the bench in front of him. To this event I felt sick and had to go as quick as a dog with tail held tight.

Some time had gone by and I came to think that the man was mad at what had came of his life and this was the cause of his tears in the park. In my mind I had come to make him out to be a man who was paid for sex and was not good with his job. I got much pity for the man with the huge cock that was eight feet long on the bench, if not a bit of envy.

In the long run, I came to think that even one with 8 feet of dick still has his own pains, and an 8 feet dick will not solve all your shit.

Ok, I’m a big baby, I don’t think I did too bad.. and I was able to do it fairly quickly once I sat my mind to it and stop being awe of Shelley’s writing… So much to my surprise, I’m going to post the damn original and my reworking of the passage:

Original– Mary Shelley Franksenstein Passage from page 90 of the puffin classics version:

My journey was very melancholy. At first I wished to hurry on, for I longed to console and sympathize with my loved and sorrowing friends; but when I drew near my native town, I slackened my progress. I could hardly sustain the multitude of feelings that crowded into my mind. I passed through scenes familiar to my youth but which I had not seen for nearly six years. How altered every thing might be during that time! One sudden and desolating change had taken place; but a thousand little circumstances might have by degrees worked other alterations, which, although they were done more tranquilly, might not be the less decisive. Fear overcame me; I dared not advance, dreading a thousand nameless evils that made me tremble, although I was unable to define them.

My first draft of the redo —

The journey was much of the same old. I ran head strong for the starting point longing the whole way to see the old friends of my home town. I wanted so much to be amongst people I could sympathize with. As I rode through the streets I was reminded of so much of my youth. Painful and happy memories flowed through my bones with every bump in the road. Oh how much these roads have changed, one giant all encompassing change. It could of course have been thousands of other smaller changes that took place in the background, more tranquil but altogether not any less decisive. Suddenly, I was taken aback by fear, I could not advance anymore, the car continued to roll on and I continued to dread the thousands of evils, all nameless and unknown, that made me sick and trembling.

Wow, I just relized how far I have to go to even begin to consider myself an author. I am doing a project right now where I am trying to take a paragraph that was written over 50 years ago and rewrite it in my own voice and in a modern way. The problem is I decided to use Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein to rewrite. The first part of this assignment is to write the paragraph down. Just the physical act of writing the paragraph was a rude awakening, typing the words into my word processor made me realize how perfect the work really was for creating the suspense in the passage. I’m going to have my hands full trying to rewrite this passage completely in my own voice when I am so in awe at the way it was originally written and wish I could have written it that well in the first place.

I guess I should of picked someone a bit more horrible like Neal Stephensen or William Gibson to rewrite… but their works aren’t over 50 years old yet.

So me and laura went to see a movie today. It was amazing but I had a revelation while at the theater. My revelation is that front facing customer positions should all be filled by the handicapped, mentally and emotionally. The reasoning for this was quite simple. The guy at the front who took our tickets has the greatest personality and he just loves to be able to do his job and do it well. He is very personable and has no pre-determined issues to hate his life and his minimum wage job. Furthermore, while walking through the theater, another handicapped worker greeted me and was all friendly and just wished me a great show. This is something that a non-handicapped person would have never done. My idea is that if you could replace all your employees with handicapped persons, at least the customer facing parts, the overall experience of the customer is going to be happier. Most non handicapped people in a minimum wage job could care less about the job or the customers.

So now in my perfect society I need more handicapped people to run these counters, drive throughs and such. So the next evolution of my plan is to start introducing handicapped genes into the gene pool so that we can get a larger happier work force.

I know, this was not politically correct but it really makes one thing about life, if someone who has so much problems in there life can smile and greet you at a minmum wage job, why can’t we all smile and be friendly when we make 3 – 7 times as much… Interesting…

Ok, enough babbling, think about that next time a person walks by, if you just smiled and wished them well, you could have brightened their day.

Well, I just finished the Helliconia Spring book by Brian Aldiss and am hooked so far. Hooked enough that I just ordered the Helliconia Summer and Winter book to finish off the trilogy.

For those of you who are interested, the Hellaconia Spring book deals with a planet that has two year cycles. One is 450 some odd days around a dim star, and the other is about 46 generations long around a brighter star that causes the inhabitants to go through extreme winter and extreme summer seasons that last centuries to the point that they end up believing this is the way it always was.

The book starts out with the races knowing that there was a better time but knowing nothing of it. I definatly recommend anyone into Sci Fi to check out this book.

You might be a redneck Buddhist if:
“To you, the Greater Vehicle is the Chevy parked in the dirt, and the Lesser Vehicle is the Ford on blocks in the back”–unDees

dexeron

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