Blackhatgk's Home

Ok, just got a copy of Sim City 4 and I am installing it now… If for some reason you wonder where I have gone you will now know that I have had all of my life sucked out of me while playing this game.

I was asked to be the God Father of my sisters newborn daughter Madison Emma.

Most people don’t know this but I am actually a very spirtial person and this weighs heavy on me. I’m not spiritual in the typical catholic sense but I feel I have a very strong relationship with God. I guess what hits me hard about this is that my spirtual beliefs are so far astray with mainstream catholicism that I don’t know if I “Should” be a god father.

I guess what it comes down to is my faith is primarily Chritian based but with a daily ethic, values, and morals of a buddhist. Or at least, I try to live by buddhist ethic. Is it wrong for me to want to be the god father but teach the child to be open to god and not just narrow minded in her view? If I take on this responsibility should I refrain from slipping her buddhist thoughts that might help her deal with the day to day life issues that we all know so well?

I guess the problem is that as with everything in catholicism, this is a bond between me, church, Madison and her parents, and as in most things in catholicism I think It should be between me, god, madison and her parents. I guess that’s where my hatred for organized religion is that I firmly believe in seperating god from church/mass.

Forsaking dark practices,
the wise person
should develop the bright,
having gone from home
to no-home
in seclusion, so hard to enjoy.
There he should wish for delight,
discarding sensuality–
he who has nothing.
He should cleanse himself–wise–
of what defiles the mind.

-Dhammapada, 6, translated by Thanissaro Bhikkhu.

I’m not a big smallville fan but I do love Gilmore Girls and Smallville follows gilmore girls and my wife loves it so I end up watching it alot. I just have to comment that tonights smallville rox’d and I hope it means a whole new direction for the series.

Friggin puppy decided it would be a good idea today shit from end of my bedroom to the other end on bur bur carpet. Not only did it want to take the dump of all dumps, it decided it was going to be runny to the point that it’s milkshake consistency. I can’t even pick it up to clean it up.

You know, I did like this dog. I never wanted this dog and I made that abundantly clear before I got her. I’ve had dogs and puppies before, I know what they do and how they do it and that’s all the reasons I didn’t want one. But my ignorant wife in all her wisdom and stupidity has never owned a puppy or a dog in her life and always wanted one. Finally I gave in and let surprised her with the puppy I despised. At first it was cute and the accidents were small so it wasn’t that bad. But now she’s grown and the accidents are larger than I can shit after eatting chineese food for four days straight and saving it all.

You know, I got the dog to make the wife happy and I’m about ready to kick the dog out of the house except the wife wouldn’t let me do that and would end up leaving with it. It just sucks that she couldn’t understand the friggin reasons why I said no to a puppy for 5 years straight.This will be our last puppy. I will never bend again, Even though I still have the desire to have a puppy because they are cute and playful, this puppy has convinced me that I will never own another one and I may not live through this one.

Ok, I’m happy now. I signed up for a stained glass recently that only meets four times on thursdays. Well MegaCorp TM had decided to hold a mandatory meeting this thursday that was going to cause me to miss 25% of my stained glass class.

I was very upset about this and was already constructing the lies I was going to tell to get out of this meeting. My #1 choice was: “Wife’s car broke down yesturday and is in the shop, she had to take my car to work so I won’t make it to the meeting.”

But now, through MegaCorp’s Cheapness justice has prevailed. They have changed the meeting from mandatory to not-mandatory. This was most likely done to not have to pay overtime to the people who were off, like me, that would be required to come into work.

So now I get to go cut my stained glass on thursday instead of listen to our “Leader” preach about how we are still in a catcus environment.

Ok, I need to learn to calm down about some issues. I am getting over stressed during critical points at work. It’s like this beast of the internet is running through my veins and when something goes wrong it tears me apart. I can make myself physically sick over stressful moments dealing with stuff.

I guess the stress comes from the lack of control over a situation. An example would be the incident that just happened. Basically a part of the internet said good night and went to sleep when it shouldn’t have. My job is to contact the people to fix it. Well, no where in my little super dooper adress book of important people to call and wake up was a clearly labeled person to call and fix. There were no escalation procedures for this problem. I checked with the local internet alarm clock people and they all agreed there’s a problem and I needed to contact their brothers in arms across the ocean. Just they didn’t know their number either. I contacted the equivalent of my position over there and they were having the exact same problem, they couldn’t find the frigging person’s phone number to contact either. After he exclaimed many foul words, not at me just at the situation, we parted ways and I looked for more help elsewhere.

This is when the Real stress starts. I start to call people and no numbers are working. All the cell phone numbers are either turned off or not working. I hate this part, it happens everytime something like this happens. End up calling everyone in the world and only the Director’s number is correct.

Ohh well, I guess I need to learn to relax in situations that are out of my control and not let the stress tear me apart. As long as I do my job good to the best of my ability then what does it matter beyond that if someone else has a problem with it.

I used to think there might be a job out there I would love to go to. I’m starting to think that it doesn’t/never will exist. The whole meaning of work to me is to do something you do not want to because you have to. If it wasn’t work it would be fun/entertainment and we wouldn’t be paid for it. I’m curious if this is a common belief system held by other people. How many others out there dread going to work and believe it is impossible to make money at something they would enjoy doing.

Lately I’ve been trying to do some soul searching. I’m kind of fed up with technology at this time and I am seriously considering leaving it. The problem is that Technology is what I am good at and what I have always been good at. I don’t think I could excel as much in a non-technology position as I could in a technology position. So basically the question that I need to answer for myself is if I am happy with mediocrity and leaving technology or if I should stay with technology and maybe achieve something some day worth bragging about?

Ok, I discovered something about myself recently.

I don’t post when I’m stressed out. I discovered that when I am stressed I will not post to live journal. I will post when I am depressed, happy, or just blah, but when stuff is stressing me out I can’t seem to run in here to post about it.

Interesting. I am discovering a trend.